Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
