Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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