someone get that fucking seahorse.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
