Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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