The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
