Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I didn't notice because vodka
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
