I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I FOUND THE LEGS
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
