I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
