Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
