Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
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I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
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Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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