Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
