cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
they need to just BURY HIM!
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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