Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
