I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
