did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
