All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
