We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
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She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
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I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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