I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
