I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
