So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
