How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
