pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
