Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
