I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
