Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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