At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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