took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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