if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
