just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
