Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
