Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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