forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
