Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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