I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
