fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
