so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
