I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
