Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
