Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The power of my boobs compel you
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
