my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
