we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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