im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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