Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
