she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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