you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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