He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
