I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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