Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
