Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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