My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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