im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
