How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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