there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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