I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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