I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
