Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
