he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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