I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
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