tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
