I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
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Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
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Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You may now shotgun with the bride
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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