the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
