Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
