yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
