I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
it's like iHOP with fire
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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