If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
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At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
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I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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