Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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