I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
