Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
