I've blown a few things in my day
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
