I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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