He told me they were just razor bumps!
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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