Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
