I'm jealous of your bromance
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
