I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
