Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
