Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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