We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize